Tag: gifts
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Is that fucker a human?
They need: The best Shiatsu neck massager! This gift reco comes from my friend Leisha at Common Compass, who bought it for her entire family and sold me on it too! We firmly believe that if you’re a human, then you need a Shiatsu neck massager. That’s facts. [Also it plugs into your car —…
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Does that fucker have kids over the age of three?
They need: A fruit and veggie electricity kit! That’s my son! ^ This was so easy to use and he loves it. There is a small red light and a clock included so that when you hook it all up, the fruit and veggies become batteries that power them! Just make sure you are using…
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Does that fucker have a dishwasher?
They need: A clean/dirty magnet! This is the one I bought for us seven years ago and I love it. Clean, minimalist, black/white. I have seen many variations on this type of magnet, but I enjoy the simplicity of this one most. Great stocking stuffer for any practical fuckers with dishwashers on your list!
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Does that fucker have kids?
They need: Local Canadian-made solid-wood toys (and I have a discount code for you!) Thorpe Toys is a Canadian success story. They’ve been hand-making very affordable solid-wood toys for decades, and the owners are absolutely lovely. They offered a downtown Toronto pickup spot near Allan Gardens during Covid, so definitely worth checking to see if…
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Does that fucker love to read?
They need an: LED reading light that goes around their neck! This gift was SUCH a hit when I bought it for my mom, and then she bought me one too and I love it! It has a velvety-smooth patch so that it feels nice on your neck, and it has three different brightness settings…
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Do you have *way too many fuckers* of all ages and sizes to buy for?
Then you need: A fuck-ton of interactive glow-in-the-dark t-shirts! I am buying ENTIRE FAMILIES these cool shirts. One branch of our family tree has FIVE KIDS and two adults. That’s *seven* fuckers! Use your cellphone light to draw on it in the dark (although it does come with a light pen. I’m also told laser…
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Is that fucker a teenager?
They need a: Portable mini fridge! Be a cool relative / friend / total hero with this gift! I bought the pink one and the blue one for each of my teenaged nieces. They like to keep their makeup in it (who knew?! It’s a thing!), plus a couple cans of pop and a snack.…
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Is that fucker your friend?
They need a: Tribe friendship necklace! Show that fucker they are part of your tribe! Available in 14k gold or silver.
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Does that fucker love wine and science?
They need a: Scientifically-hilarious Stemless Wine Glass! 😂 Enough said! Also fun for those who appreciate a pun.
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Does that fucker love jewelry?
They need a:
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Does that fucker love pool (or billiards, or whatever the fuck it’s called)?
They need a: Responsive Billiards Projector! Play billiards under the sea! In the cosmos! Put on game modes for fun or training modes to level-up your billiards game. This is responsive interactive augmented reality, not just a plain old projector. But be warned that it’s pretty expensive and has some requirements, like optimal cieling height…
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Does that fucker have a young kid who doesn’t understand bodies?
They need: The Body Book! I bought this because all in one week my kid slapped a preschool parent’s ass AND mislabeled my “boob” as my “stomach” (to be fair, there isn’t much delineation there these days LOL). Don’t wait until their kid (or yours) is slapping asses and mislabeling body parts. Get it now!…
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Does that fucker have a kid and a car?
They need a: Magentic Sun Shade! Just like sleep sacks, file this under “things I never thought I’d need until I became a parent.” Keep the sun out of your kid’s eyes! Makes roadtrips 100% more enjoyable, promise.
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Does that fucker have a kid?
They need a: Sleep Sack! Before I was a parent I had NO CLUE what a sleep sack was. But now I swear by them!
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Does that fucker need to relax?
They need a: Copper Head Massager! I bought like 15 of these as Christmas gifts. They were a hit! Pro tip: Try it on your kneecaps. Sounds weird, but you’re welcome!
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Does that fucker have a kid?
They need a: Dinosaur-embroidered Baseball Cap! Because: DINOSAURS! (My own kid has this hat, as does his friend, and they are obsessed.)
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Does that fucker love reading?
They need a: Portable “Book Nook”! This reading valet is great on a windowsill, on a night table, or in a hotel! Gift it alongside a new book if you need to buy this fucker two things.
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Does that fucker love Lego AND coffee?
They need a: Lego Coffee Cup! No better way for them to start their day! BPA-free; use it for hot and cold beverages!
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Does that fucker love their dirty dog?
They need a: Portable Dog Paw Cleaner! Help them say goodbye to muddy car backseats and pawprints around their home!
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Does that fucker snore?
They need an: Anti-snore Smart Pillow! When it detects that fucker snoring, it gently readjusts them while they sleep!
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Does that fucker have a kid?
They need: A Fuck-ton of AA Batteries! Listen, it’s an underrated addition to a gift! No parent wants to be stuck without batteries during the holiday- or birthday toy-opening blitz. And batteries in existing toys always die right when you’re out of them!
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Did that fucker hit a milestone in their religious life?
They need a: Commemorative Necklace! I am going to hell for calling them a “fucker”, but I say it with love: A family member bought this as a first communion gift for a tween boy. The back is inscribed with “Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you…