Does that fucker have kids over the age of 4?

They need a:

Cardboard box construction tool!

Recycle old cardboard boxes while the kids have hours of fun! Also a great way to make a lemonade stand; they’ll pay back the cost of the tool in no time. 😉 There are several tiers and some can get quite pricey, but the Explore kit, linked above, is the best value and will last kids well into their tweens.