Then you need:
A fuck-ton of interactive glow-in-the-dark t-shirts!
I am buying ENTIRE FAMILIES these cool shirts. One branch of our family tree has FIVE KIDS and two adults. That’s *seven* fuckers! Use your cellphone light to draw on it in the dark (although it does come with a light pen. I’m also told laser pointers work on it too). After a few minutes, the design disappears and you can draw on it again! I haven’t given them out yet, but I have ordered like 20 of them. I see them as kind of like a next-level family-matching outfit, but way less cheesy and way more fun / cool / interactive! It’s the perfect gift for when you can’t fucking figure out what the fuck to gift all those fuckers!