Gift Ideas (Home)

    What The Fuck Should I Gift This Person?!

    Giftgiving is my superpower. Let it be yours too!

    • Does that fucker have kids over the age of three?

      They need:

      A fruit and veggie electricity kit!

      That’s my son! ^ This was so easy to use and he loves it. There is a small red light and a clock included so that when you hook it all up, the fruit and veggies become batteries that power them! Just make sure you are using acidic veggies and fruits. For us it worked with oranges and potatoes. I think apples and tomatoes will work too. As you connect more fruits and veggies (up to three total), you increase the power, and the light will get a little brighter. Great gift idea for kids 3+ BUT PLEASE NOTE: Instructions are not in English but there are diagrams we were able to follow.

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    • Does that fucker have a dishwasher?

      They need:

      A clean/dirty magnet!

      This is the one I bought for us seven years ago and I love it. Clean, minimalist, black/white. I have seen many variations on this type of magnet, but I enjoy the simplicity of this one most. Great stocking stuffer for any practical fuckers with dishwashers on your list!

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    • Does that fucker have kids?

      They need:

      Local Canadian-made solid-wood toys (and I have a discount code for you!)

      Thorpe Toys is a Canadian success story. They’ve been hand-making very affordable solid-wood toys for decades, and the owners are absolutely lovely. They offered a downtown Toronto pickup spot near Allan Gardens during Covid, so definitely worth checking to see if they can still offer that if you don’t want to spend shipping for orders under $150 (shipping is free over $150). We have the balloon boat (a bathtime hit), the mouse and cheese (much-loved by my son when he was younger), and the solid-wood step-stool (which my son still uses to this day at almost 3.5 years old). Use code StaceyROCKS for 10% off!

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    • Does that fucker like collecting things?

      They need:

      Fancy gemstones to kick-start their nature/rock collection!

      First off, this company is a Canadian small business! #ShopLocal for the win! So in our household, this present did double duty: They fit into our advent calendar slots while adding to my son’s nature/rock collection. (His collection was only made up of a feather from a bird who has lived a questionable life, some brick that chipped off the side of a building, and some sad local downtown rocks that may or may not have been peed on by a dog. How nice it was to know these ones are pee-free! 😂) They are smooth and a good size; other ones I read reviews for during my research were really small when people received them. I believe this company has a discount promo code on for Dec 2023 as well and, as of date of publish, will arrive by Christmas.

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    • Does that fucker love to read?

      They need an:

      LED reading light that goes around their neck!

      This gift was SUCH a hit when I bought it for my mom, and then she bought me one too and I love it! It has a velvety-smooth patch so that it feels nice on your neck, and it has three different brightness settings as well as a toggle between warm yellow light and cool bluish-white light. Both arms are bendable and easily adjustable; you can also choose to have the light coming out just on the right arm, just on the left arm, or on both. And the price is definitely right!

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    • Does that fucker want to level up their sleep/hair/skin game?

      They need a:

      Satin pillowcase!

      I was blown away by how soft these are; you always hear about silk pillowcases but oh my goodness these satin ones are INCREDIBLY SOFT! I bought two of these in the blush colour for my nieces, but there are some pretty cool prints and colours available as well. I’m told they are great for your skin and hair, and that they also keep you nice and cool at night. 😎

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    • Do you have *way too many fuckers* of all ages and sizes to buy for?

      Then you need:

      A fuck-ton of interactive glow-in-the-dark t-shirts!

      I am buying ENTIRE FAMILIES these cool shirts. One branch of our family tree has FIVE KIDS and two adults. That’s *seven* fuckers! Use your cellphone light to draw on it in the dark (although it does come with a light pen. I’m also told laser pointers work on it too). After a few minutes, the design disappears and you can draw on it again! I haven’t given them out yet, but I have ordered like 20 of them. I see them as kind of like a next-level family-matching outfit, but way less cheesy and way more fun / cool / interactive! It’s the perfect gift for when you can’t fucking figure out what the fuck to gift all those fuckers!

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    • Did that fucker just learn the truth about Santa?

      They need:

      The Secret Society of Saint Nicholas!

      Know any kids (and their parents) who are heartbroken by “certain terrible information about Santa Claus?” This beautifully-made book from my author friend Katherine North serves as a helpful conduit for discussing the truth about Santa without losing the magic of Christmas. (I have my own copy here at the ready for when that day comes for my kid.)

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    • A photo of a pink and a black mini fridge

      Is that fucker a teenager?

      They need a:

      Portable mini fridge!

      Be a cool relative / friend / total hero with this gift! I bought the pink one and the blue one for each of my teenaged nieces. They like to keep their makeup in it (who knew?! It’s a thing!), plus a couple cans of pop and a snack. Then they don’t have to leave their room to see their parents (ugh, thank god! Total lifesaver)! 😂 I’ve also heard it can be unplugged and keep hot food warm for an hour or so. Very versatile. Comes in many colours, even a black dry-erase version!

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    • Is that fucker your friend?

      They need a:

      Tribe friendship necklace!

      Show that fucker they are part of your tribe! Available in 14k gold or silver.

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    • A stemless wine glass that says “according to chemistry, wine is a solution” - wine is spelled with the periodic table elements as a pun about chemistry and solutions!

      Does that fucker love wine and science?

      They need a:

      Scientifically-hilarious Stemless Wine Glass!

      😂 Enough said! Also fun for those who appreciate a pun.

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    • A sterling silver necklace with interlocking rings, one for each decade of the gift recipient’s life in recognition of their milestone birthday.

      Does that fucker love jewelry?

      They need a:

      Decades Birthday Necklace!

      This company does milestone birthday necklaces for each decade: This 60th birthday one has six circles representing your favourite fucker’s six decades. Available from 30th to 90th birthdays. Also doubles as a lovely Mother’s Day gift!

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    • Augmented reality projector that goes above pool table. Shows interface on pool table for games, backgrounds, training modes etc

      Does that fucker love pool (or billiards, or whatever the fuck it’s called)?

      They need a:

      Responsive Billiards Projector!

      Play billiards under the sea! In the cosmos! Put on game modes for fun or training modes to level-up your billiards game. This is responsive interactive augmented reality, not just a plain old projector. But be warned that it’s pretty expensive and has some requirements, like optimal cieling height for best placement. But for the person who already has everything (including a pool table), THIS IS AMAZING!

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    • Cover of The Body Book: It has a red background, white text, and a picture of a child on it.

      Does that fucker have a young kid who doesn’t understand bodies?

      They need:

      The Body Book!

      I bought this because all in one week my kid slapped a preschool parent’s ass AND mislabeled my “boob” as my “stomach” (to be fair, there isn’t much delineation there these days LOL). Don’t wait until their kid (or yours) is slapping asses and mislabeling body parts. Get it now! (BONUS: The cool acetate overlays let you see different bodily systems, one atop the other!)

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    • A pop-up card with a bouquet of yellow, white, and pink tulips in the middle against a turquoise card background

      Does that fucker love flowers?

      They need a:

      Pop-up Tulip Card!

      These tulips don’t die! And they can be mailed anywhere: Such a great Mother’s Day gift for a mom who lives far away. It can also serve as a ‘Get Well Soon’ card to brighten someone’s day. Never underestimate the element of joyful surprise that a well-made pop-up card can bring!

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    • A magnetic sun shade for cars to keep sun out of children's eyes

      Does that fucker have a kid and a car?

      They need a:

      Magentic Sun Shade!

      Just like sleep sacks, file this under “things I never thought I’d need until I became a parent.” Keep the sun out of your kid’s eyes! Makes roadtrips 100% more enjoyable, promise.

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    • A grey and white sleep sack with a tiny pattern of leaves and triangles

      Does that fucker have a kid?

      They need a:

      Sleep Sack!

      Before I was a parent I had NO CLUE what a sleep sack was. But now I swear by them!

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    • A copper head massager with a handle and 8-10 prongs

      Does that fucker need to relax?

      They need a:

      Copper Head Massager!

      I bought like 15 of these as Christmas gifts. They were a hit! Pro tip: Try it on your kneecaps. Sounds weird, but you’re welcome!

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    • A cotton ballcap that looks like blue denim with embroidered dinosaurs in primary colours all over it - for kids and children between 3 months and 8 years

      Does that fucker have a kid?

      They need a:

      Dinosaur-embroidered Baseball Cap!

      Because: DINOSAURS! (My own kid has this hat, as does his friend, and they are obsessed.)

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    • A portable wooden reading valet for your book nook that holds one book, one mug, and one pair of glasses

      Does that fucker love reading?

      They need a:

      Portable “Book Nook”!

      This reading valet is great on a windowsill, on a night table, or in a hotel! Gift it alongside a new book if you need to buy this fucker two things.

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    • Image of a black mug usable for hot or cold beverages, BPA-free, with the ability to connect lego bricks all around the outside of it

      Does that fucker love Lego AND coffee?

      They need a:

      Lego Coffee Cup!

      No better way for them to start their day! BPA-free; use it for hot and cold beverages!

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    • Does that fucker love their dirty dog?

      They need a:

      Portable Dog Paw Cleaner!

      Help them say goodbye to muddy car backseats and pawprints around their home!

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    • Picture of anti-snore smart pillow beside a smartphone

      Does that fucker snore?

      They need an:

      Anti-snore Smart Pillow!

      When it detects that fucker snoring, it gently readjusts them while they sleep!

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    • Does that fucker have a kid?

      They need:

      A Fuck-ton of AA Batteries!

      Listen, it’s an underrated addition to a gift! No parent wants to be stuck without batteries during the holiday- or birthday toy-opening blitz. And batteries in existing toys always die right when you’re out of them!

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    • A black cross communion necklace on a chain with a maple leaf in the middle

      Did that fucker hit a milestone in their religious life?

      They need a:

      Commemorative Necklace!

      I am going to hell for calling them a “fucker”, but I say it with love: A family member bought this as a first communion gift for a tween boy. The back is inscribed with “Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.”

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